Impending Trip to Bizarro World

As you know, I detest winter and all it stands for. If I was in a Christmas special, I would be Heat Miser. However, with the foot of snow we got Friday and the 8-10 more inches plus sleet we are expecting today, my dreaded trip to see my mother-in-law has been delayed at least a day! Hallelujah!

My husband (and, obviously, in-laws) are Vietnamese. Even though they have been here since 1968, they still are entrenched in their culture (rightly so) and do not understand at all the way we choose to raise our children.

Trips to visit always turn into a week of being told I am lazy, stupid and not earning enough money. This is, of course, because I am a white American and we are all this way (my mil's words, not mine).

In my husband's family, the almighty dollar is king. The fact that I would willingly choose to give up a career for my children is anathema to them. My sister-in-law, whose son went into some god-awful daycare at the age of 6 weeks (which they, of course, call "school" to make themselves feel better), so she can work 50 hours a week and then leave her son again with my mil on Sundays to have a "me" day is held up to me as all that is good and holy in the world. Never mind that the poor child, who is now 4, was diagnosed with failure to thrive and stress before he was a year old....

I am forever receiving e-mails from my father-in-law detailing my failings as a wage earner. The most recent asked what I would do when poor, overworked Husband (who has a cushy, work-from-home management job with Hewlett-Packard) dropped dead of a heart attack since I "force" him to support us. I had to refrain from replying that I would see that as a great day, worthy of rejoicing in the streets and much merriment!

My mil will strike fear in my heart at least twice this coming week, threatening to retire and move in with us to watch the kids so I can work. Never mind that her three sons are selfish, reprehensible human beings and there is no way she's getting her hands on my kids.

The homeschooling really sends them over the edge to the point that it's comical. "Dey need da school-work" I will hear over and over. Never mind that in my former life I was a teacher and went to graduate school for reading and literacy instruction...

I try to be calm and change the subject, but it never works. I also cannot rebut that maybe my sister-in-law, who only spends one day a week with her son, is the one who has things a little backward. How does one defend oneself?

I do always like to remind my mil that my own mother is horrified that I work at all (part-time as a freelance writer), given the fact that Husband travels all the time and refuses to help with the house or the kids. I think the way things are is a happy balance. I earn enough so my kids can do the activities they enjoy, and for a margarita once in awhile. I don't feel we need a fancy house, car or every toy in the store, but maybe that's a character defect on my part.

Sorry this post sounds so angry. If any of you have tips on deflecting in-law hatred, please pass them my way. In the meantime, and I can't believe I'm saying this, let it snow!!!!!