As an insomniac, I have loads of time to contemplate my past and every once in awhile I will realize something that may or may not be profound, but seems so when I am barely lucid. Last night, I was thinking of all the ways I changed to make my now husband happy 15 years ago, but that have ultimately caused the total loss of the person I was then. It took my mother of all people to point out that my personality all but died when I got married. It's sad, but if I make this list maybe it will help me come back! I think I'd come out of my funk if I stopped trying to make him happy, which clearly isn't going to work, and went for making myself happy again. To that end, I am pursuing a real job with a salary so I can take back control of the things I love. I think in the end I will be a better person/mother. Anyone know of a part-time Reading Specialist job anywhere????
Things I changed:
1. My clothes. I used to be a hipster in vintage clothes, with dresses/combat boots. He hated the way I looked and convinced me to start shopping at The Limited. Now I just look plain boring.
2. My music. I used to derive great joy from singing and playing the piano. We had to leave the piano behind in Indiana because he wouldn't pay shipping costs and he views singing as a waste of my time, and won't agree to watch the kids if I join the choral society.
3. Going to live theater. Love it, all of it! Getting dressed up, the play, everything. Of course, to him, plays are boring and not a good way to spend money, so no go.
4. Spending time riding my bike or hiking with friends.
5. Talking for hours with friends and ending up rolling on the floor laughing about the ridiculous. This naturally takes a break when one has little kids, but I hope to do this again soon.
6. Kissing.
That's about all I can tackle now. If there are any volunteers to help in my journey (or go with me to the theater), let me know.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
2 comments:
I love the theater but I'm a bit of a snob. NY and Broadway beat the shows that come around here any day of the week.
I know our age, so hipster is much less of an option, but The Limited is, frankly, limited. Go J. Crew or something.
For piano, although it's a lame substitute, I'd get a keyboard you can plug into your computer and play with headphones one. I'm betting a pawn shop will set you up. For singing, take the kids to a park; they play, you sing.
My guess is most men have knee-jerk opposition to the theater. I did until watching a few student productions by theater majors. A nudge or demand and the right kind of show might work.
A full-time job is always good. Some of my foreign male friends' marriages have improved after the Japanese wife got a job, since she realized why he came home tired, possibly angry, unwilling to help, and more prone to explode over "nagging" that might not have actually been so but was received as such.
Post a Comment