The Food Police

In the government school in affluent Newburyport, officials have decided to "ban" candy from the premisis in a misguided effort to battle unhealthy eating and obesity. There will also be severe limits on cupcakes and classroom birthday parties, and whole milk will be frowned upon. Since labels already have to be sent in so everyone is on high alert for peanut dust, lunch has become even more difficult for moms.

It's kind of funny to me that a town populated by the most beautiful, slim, organic, Pilates-addicted moms I have ever seen who are very conscious of every bite consumed by their kids feels the need to implement a "wellness plan". In fact, I cannot recall seeing an overweight child in Newburyport, or a mom over size 4, for that matter. If I were one of those moms, I would be highly offended at the idea I am too negligent or stupid to regulate my kids' diet.

Being an anarchist, upon reading about the ban in the illustrious Newburyport Daily News I immediately corralled my kids into the tent in our living room which has been serving as our classroom and temporary pretend safari headquarters to give them lollipops and peanut butter on a spoon in rebellion, with some whole milk to wash it down, and thought of some of my own solutions for the fat elementary schooler problem.

In my opinion (now, remember, I do not have an Ed.D., so I may not be qualified to make decisions for parents and families who are not mine), if the kids were allowed to have more PE and recess time instead of studying for MCAS or spending money (I'd be very interested in how much the "wellness plan" cost to put together) on studies about how to regulate a child's brown bag lunch, perhaps they wouldn't be so chubby. If there was no full-day kindergarten, think of how many more hours a day of exercise those little guys could get. Children need to run, run, run! Oh, but running at recess has also been outlawed at many schools, along with tag and dodgeball....

Think about it. When we were kids, snack was often a Twinkie with a cherry Kool-Aid chaser and some Fun Dip for dessert which our moms made up for by liberally sprinking wheat germ on our dinners. But none of us were fat! Why? Because our parents made us run around outside all the livelong day and there were only 2 television channels. We had 3 recesses in school and gym at least a couple of times a week. Our lives were not dependent on MCAS scores, so we could be kids.

Why does everyone think that we parents are too obtuse to make the right choices for our kids? Is a bite-sized Snickers bar in a lunch call for concern? So much is already taken away from parents regarding our offspring. I am hoping to see at least some parents say "enough already" and let their kids have a glimmer of hope that they might find a Twix in their bag.