Some Days I Wish...

OK, I admit it. Sometimes I wish my kids went to school. There, it's out! My dirty secret has wormed its way out of my rotten-tomato heart and into the blogosphere. Although I know, rationally, that homeschooling is best for everyone and if they actually were in school I would be "that mom" who drives teachers and administrators nuts and becomes a story to be told in the teacher's lounge.

Homeschool moms are not supposed to ever wish their kids away! We are supposed to be serene, always gently in control of our children, who look up at us with rapt attention and always get along. We are to skip happily through the neighborhood, shining beacons of a more positive life. The truth is, it's often smoke and mirrors.

On good days, it's very, very good. On bad days, it's awful. I would estimate that 90 percent of the time, we have good days, meaning we do lessons, get where we need to go, no one bleeds and we mostly get along.

Bad days. Whew. They often send me running for the bathroom, the only place with a locked door where a mom can find some peace. On bad days, they torment each other, throw things, refuse to cooperate. There is much wailing and gnashing of teeth, similar to the Bible's description of hell. And that's just me!

Take last Friday, for example. My children apparently all simultaneously became possessed of the devil's most terrible demons and proceeded to shriek, hit, declare math "too hard" and roll around on the floor in agony spewing pea soup, destroy another's artwork, throw sticks and whine in general. None of the old standbys worked. They would not give in to the lure of baking; even Jake could not be distracted by his favorite pasttime of folding clothes. I even played the TV card to no avail, and wish I'd been savvy enough to remember it's OK to use the Santa card!

Thank God it's now dark by 8! I tossed them all into bed early after a quick story (picked by me - I wasn't about to let them fight over it), took some Advil and lay down with a cool cloth on my forehead.

The word "school" danced through my head. All the hours of child-free leisure I would have! I did indulge, for a moment, in a scandalous fantasy of having a clean house, time to grocery shop alone, having a job that would garner personal satisfaction and monetary gain, and just plain peace and quiet. Then, the scene turned to loneliness, the loss of the excitement of wondering what we will all learn in a day, the loss of getting to be the one to see their faces light up when they figure out something new.

For all the bad days, I really do believe that I am the best one for the job and it truly is a privilege to be able to be their mom. Now if only I could figure out how to get spaghetti sauce off the ceiling....