Best Books Ever

It's a snowy day, worthy of relaxing and reading a great book. I am making a list (you know how I LOVE lists) of the best books ever for your reading pleasure. These are the books that are definitely better than men, as they always leave one satisfied and a little sleepy.

1. The Secret History by Donna Tartt
2. Anthing by Jane Green
3. I Know This Much is True by Wally Lamb
4. She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb
5. Anything by Marian Keyes
6. My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult
7. Anything by Jane Austen
8. Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton
9. Middlemarch by George Eliot
10. Anything by Louisa May Alcott
11. The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
12. The Children of Violence series by Doris Lessing
13. Ulysses by James Joyce
14. Windchill Summer by Norris Church Mailer
15. The Garden of Eden by Ernest Hemingway
16. The Golden Notebook by Doris Lessing
17. Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro
18. Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro
19. For fun - anything by Meg Cabot
20. The Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer
21. The Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling
22. Certain Girls by Jennifer Weiner
23. The Idiot Girls Action-Adventure Club by Laurie Notaro
24. In God we Trust, All Others Pay Cash by Jean Shepherd
25. The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

There are, of course, more out there. Please feel free to add your faves in the comments!

One More Reason to Avoid Public Schools

This here'n picture is from Cleveland, OH - the manager of this Burger King presumbably a graduate of a local public high skool. Lordy be.

I FINALLY Understand the Stimulus Package!

This was sent to me via e-mail from a friend who wants to always help me understand political things. It's too good not to share - and help others really get what our government is trying to do. It's all clear to me now!

Sometime this year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. No, they are borrowing it from China. Your children are expected to repay the Chinese.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
If you spend it on gasoline it will go to Hugo Chavez, the Arabs and Al Queda.
If you purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).
If you buy a car it will go to Japan and Korea.
If you purchase prescription drugs it will go to India
If you purchase heroin it will go to the Taliban in Afghanistan
If you give it to a charitable cause, it will go to Nigeria.

And none of it will help the American economy. We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

Can't wait for my check to arrive! But since I pay taxes, I probably won't get one anyway...

Ant Farm

Anna, observing her new friends

Yes, I ordered ants to arrive via mail at my home, all in the name of educational value! They arrived today, and we carefully placed them in their habitat for further study - this week will be the letter "I" for insects, and we'll observe them as they make a home. I'll tell you what, ants arriving certainly turn an ordinary Saturday into something special! We've had praying mantis eggs, ladybug eggs and caterpillars that turn into butterflies, as well as earthworms. The ant farm is a first, and we are all very excited! Here are some preliminary pictures of the little buggers, that came with a warning that they sting. Hooboy. I'll just hope none of them escape.

Trip to the Dentist

We had our bi-annual trip to the dentist today, and all the kids did great! But I think they did something weird to Jake's teeth. He's looked different the rest of the day...

Surprise Vacation!

Is there anything better than a surprise vacation in the dead of winter, when we're covered in so many feet of snow one fears it will never melt? My mom owns a condo on Sanibel Island, and offered to let us use it the first week of February - we just have to get down there.

Well, the Husband must be feeling guilty about his alleged actions in Philadelphia, because he actually purchased plane tickets for 5 and agreed to go! He generally will agree to a trip, but only under crazy circumstances, like we have to drive, take a cooler of lunchmeat and stay at campgrounds to save money until I finally just say forget it.

So we're leaving January 31! Did I mention that I hate winter and love the sun? There is the problem of being seen by innocent bystanders in a swimsuit when I am fish-belly white and have loathesome thighs, but I think I can get over it. The question is - can I do enough Zumba in the next 10 days to be presentable? Another question - should I hit the tanning bed first, or is the "base tan" concept passe?

It's hard to be sad with a surprise trip on the horizon. I am picturing lazy days on the beach and some time to read, a jaunt to Ding Darling's wildlife preserve and a bike ride around the island. Don't burst my bubble by reminding me that I'll have 3 kids the whole time and my vision is just that...

Well, we're off to the dentist. If I can survive that, I can survive anything!

Hope and Change!

Here is a short list of things that will change with our new president (I am a fan of lists - neat and tidy):

1. Our taxes will increase - come on, it won't be so bad.
2. The Europeans will like us again! After all, the long and rich history of minority leaders overseas will finally be matched by us ignorant Americans. I mean, the French, Germans, British and Spanish are always electing people of color! Oh, wait - hmmmmmmm.
3. The treasury will, ironically, be led by a man guilty of years of tax evasion.
4. Gitmo will close! Yeah! All the prisoners can come live here!
5. Hillary's baaaaaaack - and Bill will be running amok in DC with easy access to interns and nothing to do.
6. It will no longer be "patriotic" to question the president and make up video games throwing shoes at his head (though that was pretty funny).

Please feel free to add to the list in the comments. There must be more change a'comin'!

Random Weekend Update

I awoke this morning to another 10+ inches of snow on the ground, but was relieved to find a marathon of Cycle 11 of America's Next Top Model on the Oxygen channel, which made everything palatable. I am a little concerned that my boys like that show so much, but assume they will outgrow it. At least neither has asked to be called Benny Ninja! A marathon of Snapped is on tonight, and I just realized that we suddenly have HBO. Couch potato evening, here I come!

Our weekend was a hodgepodge of activity. Anna's dance recital was a triumph Friday. She is such a star! Being the littlest in her dance company, she frequently is lifted in the air by other 7-year-olds, which is nervewracking, but she looks so darn cute in her costume.

Ryan started basketball Saturday, and Jake was so sad to not have gotten a spot. Ryan was the only one who got a place off the wait list, but Jake did watch like a champ. No pics of b-ball yet, but it was very cute.

It was great to have a humdrum, drama-free weekend, and tomorrow we are looking forward to a trip with our co-op to the awesome Wicked Fun Art in Exeter, NH. And I still have 36 hours of freedom before Husband returns! Aaah. For now, I will enjoy my clean house (thank goodness for playdates to make me clean up) and the fact that all the laundry is simultaneously clean and put away, thanks to being indoors in the snow. Sometimes it's the simple things that make me smile.

At the top are some winter pics of the kids. Notice the perspective of how deep the snow is next to my stylish minivan!

Out of the Doldrums

I finished a good book last night (The Secret History by Donna Tartt, for anyone interested, which I have read at least 100 times and never tire of) and went to sleep feeling satisfied and happy - hence no maudlin posts about my issues or anger toward men (who don't always leave one drifting off to sleep satisfied and happy).

Today, to paraphrase Scarlett O'Hara, is another day. I awoke this morning to three cuddly kids scratching my back and saying, "Let's let mommy sleep a little longer." What a rare gift. So I faked sleep until they became rambunctious and we had a giant pillow fight. Keeping in the spirit of fun, we had shaped pancakes for breakfast (horses for Anna, cars for Ryan and bats for Jake), read some Mem Fox and Dr. Seuss, and are now in the throes of making 6 dozen cookies for Anna's dance recital tonight.

We couldn't decide what kind of cookies to make, so we threw in white chocolate chips, semi-sweet chips and M & Ms. I must say, they are delectable. While they are baking, we're cleaning the house. Is anything more serene than an orderly home? I think not! Right now, my house is warm and smells good, and The Husband is leaving tomorrow for a few days. Life is good! My camera broke, though, and I am saving up for a new one, so no pics of the cookies.

Anyway, today has been a good day.

Working Girl

I have decided to put feelers out for teaching positions at private schools for the fall. My future is uncertain, and my kids are wearing me out - so the best case would be to teach at a place where they could also attend school for a reduced tuition. No matter how bad things get, I don't think I could ever bring myself to send them to public school.

Being out of work for the last 8 years means I have no resume or steady work experience, so I have been staying up until all hours of the night cobbling together a cohesive review of what I have been doing since becoming a mother. Does homeschooling count as teaching experience? Is my freelance writing work relevant? Where will references come from? The list goes on.

What I have realized is that, on paper, I look like a superstar. So far, I have written bullet points for my adventures as a small business owner (for 18 months), boss and chief planner of 2 homeschool co-ops, afterschool enrichment teacher and writer. In reality, I feel like I don't do much at all. Hmmmmmm. Is it my perspective or the reality that is distorted?

The thought of going back to work as a mom is daunting. I never wanted to or thought I would have to be a working mom, it wasn't part of the deal. For starters, I don't like to wake up early. Part of the reason we homeschool is so we can all sleep until 8 or later in the morning. I love spending time with my children, I really do love it (despite all my complaining). The thought of them with someone else all day puts a hole in my heart and makes me feel ill. But the reality is that I need a way to support them, for various reasons, and I can no longer be in denial of the fact that the path of my life is inevitably leading to single motherhood. According to my friend Lisa, who is a bit clairvoyant, I have until July before I have to work up the nerve to go.

How does one get past that terrifying fact to put together a resume, get through an interview, agree to take a job that requires getting up at the crack of dawn and leaving my precious kids in a classroom all day, and still have enough left over to care for them the rest of the time? This isn't how it's supposed to be, scared and lonely and trying to look good on paper to get a job teaching other people's children, so I can pay someone else to teach my kids and have some left over to pay the bills and outrageous lawyer fees that will be coming my way.

I do try to be lighthearted about the whole thing. It's a new adventure! I miss teaching! It will be nice to have a paycheck again! My kids will get a great education! I can only pray that the reality turns out so well.

I Have Been Tagged!

I was tagged by Leigh and so, in the spirit of blogger fun, I'll play along! Here are the RULES:

Link to the person who tagged you
Post the rules on your blog
Write six random things about yourself
Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them
Let each person know they've been tagged


So here goes:
1. I am a classically trained opera singer and pianist.
2. I always win "whose brother is the biggest redneck" contests because my little brother has a tattoo of his pick-up truck on his shoulder.
3. My step-brother was raised by circus folk.
4. I was once in a situation where the only person who could save me was the town drunk of Chisago, Minnesota, who went by the moniker "Duck Soup." I had to spend the night in his fish house, which was a trailer on concrete blocks with holes cut in the floor for ice fishing.
5. I have always wanted to have about 6 children, and am a little sad to only have 3.
6. I truly believe that I am a southern belle trapped in New England.

People I am Tagging:
Michelle
Life is a Musical
Christine
Emilie

I only know four people with blogs! If you have one and want to be tagged, let me know and I'll link to you!

Courtney

10 Reasons Books are Better than Men

1. You can read more than one every night - and no one will judge you!

2. You can read the same book over and over if it's really good, then trade it in for another when it starts to bore you.

3. Books are readily available whenever you need one.

4. Books always smell good.

5. You can put books away on the shelf when you are done with them and they stay there.

6. Books are always interesting and challenging to your intellect.

7. You can share your books with your friends.

8. You always look forward to spending time with a book.

9. A good book will never let you down.

10. If you do get ahold of a bad one, you can just stop reading in the middle and walk away.

Barack Obama...

OK, it's concerning that he can't make up his mind what to eat and that he mentions "peach cobbler" more than once. How can he decide what to do about Hamas if he needs a sampler at a restaurant? And what's with the speech impediment? Was he, at one time, enrolled in the Caroline Kennedy school of the English language?

And the biggest question of all - is Obama more qualified to be a food critic, or president of the United States? You decide.

Resolutions

Yes, I know that resolutions are a sure way to feel like a complete failure before the 10th of January. But I am making them anyway. My main goal is to slim down, as I have reached maximum density and feel I can no longer blame it on the twins (who are now nearly 5).

To that end, I have been taking Zumba classes and the odd Pilates mat class at the Newburyport Y. Yes, I am living large. For those of you who don't know, Zumba is an extremely sexy way to get into shape, and I often blush at the copious hip-shaking and shimmying required in a given class. Inevitably, I stand behind the tiny, perky girl in her tank top with no bra and teeny shorts who looks quite natural swiveling her hips to hot salsa music. I am the sad, fat girl in the back of the room, stumbling around and realizing that the sexy moves are what got me into trouble with the twins in the first place...

My Zumba garb consists of a giant tee-shirt, industrial strength bra to heave the girls into place, overlarge "yoga" pants and sneakers that are neither the right size nor in a style from this millenium. I am the girl everyone looks at as a warning for what could happen if you are not careful.

I want to tell them that a mere 15 years ago I was the girl in the tank top and impossibly small shorts. That the cute girl is still in there, and she's coming back if it kills me.

I think I am entering the first stages of midlife crisis. What is it really that I have done of any importance? I have not been a missionary, I have not starred in a meaningful motion picture, I have not completed the book I always wanted to write, I have not earned a salary over $32K a year (as a teacher), I have driven my husband to the underworld of very weird things and I have no visible means of support.

So to Zumba I will cling, going to as many classes with the fab and fit Tracey to regain some of the self I was before I became the perpetually anxious girl I see in the mirror now. I would post pictures, but this is a family website and the kids don't need that kind of horror show.

Yes, this is my resolution. I'll update with progress - if you know me, please make me keep it up! I hope you all well in the new year.

RETRO COMMERCIAL-Toys-Swing Wing

Life would just be more enjoyable and fun if we all had one of these! Maybe we'll try to make some during our physics study later this winter...