Working Girl

I have decided to put feelers out for teaching positions at private schools for the fall. My future is uncertain, and my kids are wearing me out - so the best case would be to teach at a place where they could also attend school for a reduced tuition. No matter how bad things get, I don't think I could ever bring myself to send them to public school.

Being out of work for the last 8 years means I have no resume or steady work experience, so I have been staying up until all hours of the night cobbling together a cohesive review of what I have been doing since becoming a mother. Does homeschooling count as teaching experience? Is my freelance writing work relevant? Where will references come from? The list goes on.

What I have realized is that, on paper, I look like a superstar. So far, I have written bullet points for my adventures as a small business owner (for 18 months), boss and chief planner of 2 homeschool co-ops, afterschool enrichment teacher and writer. In reality, I feel like I don't do much at all. Hmmmmmm. Is it my perspective or the reality that is distorted?

The thought of going back to work as a mom is daunting. I never wanted to or thought I would have to be a working mom, it wasn't part of the deal. For starters, I don't like to wake up early. Part of the reason we homeschool is so we can all sleep until 8 or later in the morning. I love spending time with my children, I really do love it (despite all my complaining). The thought of them with someone else all day puts a hole in my heart and makes me feel ill. But the reality is that I need a way to support them, for various reasons, and I can no longer be in denial of the fact that the path of my life is inevitably leading to single motherhood. According to my friend Lisa, who is a bit clairvoyant, I have until July before I have to work up the nerve to go.

How does one get past that terrifying fact to put together a resume, get through an interview, agree to take a job that requires getting up at the crack of dawn and leaving my precious kids in a classroom all day, and still have enough left over to care for them the rest of the time? This isn't how it's supposed to be, scared and lonely and trying to look good on paper to get a job teaching other people's children, so I can pay someone else to teach my kids and have some left over to pay the bills and outrageous lawyer fees that will be coming my way.

I do try to be lighthearted about the whole thing. It's a new adventure! I miss teaching! It will be nice to have a paycheck again! My kids will get a great education! I can only pray that the reality turns out so well.