Resolutions

Yes, I know that resolutions are a sure way to feel like a complete failure before the 10th of January. But I am making them anyway. My main goal is to slim down, as I have reached maximum density and feel I can no longer blame it on the twins (who are now nearly 5).

To that end, I have been taking Zumba classes and the odd Pilates mat class at the Newburyport Y. Yes, I am living large. For those of you who don't know, Zumba is an extremely sexy way to get into shape, and I often blush at the copious hip-shaking and shimmying required in a given class. Inevitably, I stand behind the tiny, perky girl in her tank top with no bra and teeny shorts who looks quite natural swiveling her hips to hot salsa music. I am the sad, fat girl in the back of the room, stumbling around and realizing that the sexy moves are what got me into trouble with the twins in the first place...

My Zumba garb consists of a giant tee-shirt, industrial strength bra to heave the girls into place, overlarge "yoga" pants and sneakers that are neither the right size nor in a style from this millenium. I am the girl everyone looks at as a warning for what could happen if you are not careful.

I want to tell them that a mere 15 years ago I was the girl in the tank top and impossibly small shorts. That the cute girl is still in there, and she's coming back if it kills me.

I think I am entering the first stages of midlife crisis. What is it really that I have done of any importance? I have not been a missionary, I have not starred in a meaningful motion picture, I have not completed the book I always wanted to write, I have not earned a salary over $32K a year (as a teacher), I have driven my husband to the underworld of very weird things and I have no visible means of support.

So to Zumba I will cling, going to as many classes with the fab and fit Tracey to regain some of the self I was before I became the perpetually anxious girl I see in the mirror now. I would post pictures, but this is a family website and the kids don't need that kind of horror show.

Yes, this is my resolution. I'll update with progress - if you know me, please make me keep it up! I hope you all well in the new year.