Latest Column

I write a monthly parenting column, called Free-Range Parenting, for our illustrious local paper, the Newburyport Daily News. Here is the one that ran today:




After nearly four months of daily battles to get my formerly nearly-perfect daughter to complete her math lessons and to agree to go anywhere with a sunny disposition, I have made the heart-wrenching decision to put her into (gasp) Public School.

This goes so against my parenting philosophy that I spend much time questioning if I am a hypocrite, or a smart mom who has learned when to give up when something clearly isn’t working any more. My dear girl had decided that, in line of several families we know, that she should not have to do anything she didn’t want to do.

For a couple of weeks, I tried to be a pagan earth-goddess unschooler (which seems to be the prevailing “thing” here in the northeast), trying out the philosophy I was being drilled on that adults should not put any boundaries on children or force them to do anything but their heart’s desire. It did not go well. In our house, it just made the chaos even more pronounced. This is the right path for some, but I kept thinking about how life is not about doing only what one wants to do. It’s about personal responsibility, learning and respecting social and moral boundaries.

I began my quest for the “right” school around February vacation, when an hour of schoolwork was taking 5 hours, complete with whining, wailing and gnashing of teeth. After several fainting spells over the cost of a decent private education, I gritted my teeth and, with one eye closed just in case, started researching the public schools around here.

Newbury Elementary kept coming back to me as an option, especially since another homeschooling family we are friendly with has 2 children there and are happy, so I called for more information. It particularly appealed to me because my daughter is working at least 2 years above grade level in math, and her reading is off the charts. Newbury has a special program just for gifted kids that just doesn’t exist in any other schools in the area.

The wonderful principal, Mrs. Sylvia Jordan, called me at home one evening during her off hours and spent a good deal of time listening to my plight and explaining everything from curriculum to after school enrichment in detail. We were on the phone for over an hour, and I was invited to visit the school after deciding to go ahead and “choice” my daughter into the second grade there.

Wow! This school not only has an auditorium and a science lab, but the woman who is now my daughter’s teacher, Miss Grace Ruhp, welcomed my baby into her class with a smile and open arms. She did not roll her eyes, like other people in other schools, when I explained to her about my girl’s academic needs. Instead, she understood and assured me that her needs would be met. I saw in her eyes that I could trust her, that she was everything like her name.

The first day I left my daughter was horrible – for me. She got into the car at pick-up time nearly exploding with all the great things she had done that day. With two new best friends, an invitation to join the Ghost Club, a science experiment and pizza lunch, it seemed like she would fit in just fine.

But can one still be a free-range parent and send her children to school? This is something I am still trying to reconcile. I have my boys at home, since they just turned 5. But their school choice applications are in to Newbury Elementary as well. If all goes as planned, they will be there half days in the fall. I have 5 months with them, to get them dirty and allow them to be little boys. My daughter remains free to be herself and her passions for dance, violin and horseback riding will be accommodated. But for now, having someone else step in as her teacher for awhile is making our time together so much more pleasant.

I will always wonder if formal schooling was the right decision. So far, after one 3 ½ day week, it seems workable. My daughter misses playing with her brothers, but enjoys the variety of school and the new friends. I tell myself that we can always go back if it doesn’t end up being the best option. Can you go back, though? It’s the eternal question.